My Chemo therapy went better than I expected.

[James C]

Placeholder for hopefully good texts on BPD.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publicat ... shtml#pub7

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publicat ... shtml#pub9

http://www.psychforums.com/borderline-personality/ BPD Forum

I should join this one seems serious group stuff.

forums.psychcentral.com/borderline-pers ... -disorder/
Maybe this one good forum too. Test both.

Got three of the links showing....

[nooby]

Edit 2. for clarification

I have used some four years to search for a solution
to my feeling of extreme loniness Say 2010 to 2011 and
I asked atheists on one of of their most popular forum
and totally failed to get even one of them admit them to feel
the same. None of them did. Most of them had no clue
on what I referred to 8 hours a day for one year and
4 hours next year. Nothing worked as I had hoped.

None of them had a clue on what I talked about.

So like any BPD would have done I got extremely angy and
disappoined with their lack of imagination.

Then during 2012 and 2013 and a few months of 2014 I had
a less intensive search and finally some days ago found the solutions.

No wonder they had no clue.
My version of BPD is the least known among the 4 BPD subgroups

The one that avoid being aware of there to be anything
that is wrong. Guys it is embarrassing to be that ill that one
have no clue eithr.

I simply fail to know whom I really am. Now I know why.
I don't have the means to know. The BPD keep it hidden to me.

[starhawk]

I simply fail to know whom I really am. Now I know why.
I don't have the means to know. The BPD keep it hidden to me.

I don't think you should give up, yet. My thinking is that it doesn't actually "hide" who you are, it just makes it harder for you to find yourself

[musher0]

Another thing, nooby, if I may.

When one is in a stressful situation, perhaps tinted with some anguish
about the future-- like the situation you're in now --, one is simply not his
usual self. Did the person who interpreted your test results take your
situation into consideration?

You've come this far, nooby, you've walked life's path all those years being
the fine person that you are. I don't know you much, but I know that you
have an inquisitive mind, -- and you're somewhat of an original, no doubt
about that! But then, there are lots of originals and creative people in
this world, and we're quite lucky to have them, because they push us and
the world forward, towards things and thoughts we had not envisioned
before.

I think it would be unfair to pin any label on you. So don't pin one on
yourself, ok?

Come to think of it... didn't those doctors pin that label on you on April
Fool's Day? Now, do I see a smile on your face?

All the best.

musher0

[Puppyt]

+1, musher0!
In my thoughts too, nooby, as you travel through these dark days. I'll grab my photo album of the chaotic garden from my ex later today - I've not forgotten,
Cheers

[nooby]

+1, musher0!
In my thoughts too, nooby, as you travel through these dark days. I'll grab my photo album of the chaotic garden from my ex later today - I've not forgotten,
Cheers

Agree to give musher0 a +1 indeed to see things with humor
is needed or everything get too gloomy and matter of fact
and the emotional side of being Human get lost.

Now sorry if my words misled all of us.

I would not dare to let the professionals get to know
my BPD. I mean even the psychologist comunity
do statistically understand very little about BPD.

For a long time some aspects of BPD looked very similar
to having Bi Polar diagnose especcially the heavy mood swings
being similar and only having different timings and duration
of the up and downs of the roller coaster ride.

And AFAIK I have the least understood version of BPD
that does it best to not get known by anybody.

Manipulating everybody not only me, myself and
I but also my signifant others and close relatives.

Yes one do need to be cautious. I easily do get manipulated
by my own body. Say between 1963 to 1983 I thought me
to be one of the kindest compassionate person around.

I got totally fooled by and decieved by my own body.
At first my co-habit GF trusted me to be very kind
and she felt very betrayed by me when it dawn upon
on her what a bastard manipulater she had been
living with some 7 years and knowing for 10 years.

I where not the person I thought myself to be.

How to cope with that knowledge is beyond me.

I do try to visit a very kind and friendly support Pastor
that has the eduction to be a good listerner and
I agree she is very good, she does not try to force Jesus
upon me but she show the Jesus she knows
by accepting me as I am. Warts and all.
Good sides and bad traits and bad behaviors.

To her I am a Human and should not be dismissed
based on not living up to expectations of being normal.

Formally we don't do "therapy" but we do share her love for Jesus
I am totally open about my skepticism of any religious faith.

She is a true gift despite me being such a bad behaving atheist
and she really believe in in the healing power of her hero.

I do trust her sincere follwing of the call she felt
to be there for those who many other Pastors
would feel only Jesus would stand to be manipulated by.

Long for to next time we can get time to scedule meeting.

Being labeled and pinned down can be bad I know
but in current situation it feel like a gift from Heaven .

Having serched for four years needed a closer that
allowed me some rest and feeling accepted despite BPD.

pinning me down. Sure BPD around here is very stigmatized
and seen as the destructive behavior it can be. So I am not
sharing it with Insurance companies or local Health authorities.

[nooby]

[quote="musher0"]Another thing, nooby, if I may.

When one is in a stressful situation, perhaps tinted with some anguish
about the future-- like the situation you're in now --, one is simply not his
usual self. Did the person who interpreted your test results take your
situation into consideration?
...

I think it would be unfair to pin any label on you. So don't pin one on
yourself, ok?
...
All the best.

musher0[/quote

All the best to you too. No real diagnose
I looked at a documentary or witness video
from patients getting helped using Buddhist DBT Linehan
psychology skills. I try to find link later when at home.

I use a foreign to me computer at the Hospital.
They had to post pone the Bio topsy some 6 hours or more
due to all the water filling up the "gut"?

Watr in the body make it hard to give a good diagnose
so they will tak the physical sample within some 6 hours
from now and I get send to home within some 8 hours
hopefully with a good result or else I may fail to live
even 10 months from now. Sad story indeed.

So my "diagnose" is based on seeing that Docu and
me trusting my assessment of the DSM on Wikipedia.

Not the best person to ask who I truly am

But it is all there. All nine symptomes fit me
very well if not of the most severe kind
when you cut yourself or do other dangerous
things like driving on wrong side of highway.

I am so bad at retelling. But I have only trusted
me tp have BPD for a week at most now.

But what a relief it was to be able to get some progress
instead of total stand still in knowing myself.

Risky to borrow a public computer but I try to avoid
the worst scenarios by only being active here in Puppy forum

[nooby]

Here is the 58 minutes link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=967Ckat7f98

"Back From the Edge" - Borderline Personality Disorder People
tell and share their take on BPD

[nooby]

Wow took a long time to get allowed to be free for some 10 minutes.

They want me to survive so they are afraid the liver punctuation
could start bleeding so they want me to be calm and easy going
not being too wild and active.

The sedation felt stronger than the punctuation.



Okay sorry me so wordy and longing for verbal support.

The Chemo thing is back the April 22 if I remember
So keep thumbs for that day. Ooops you decide
you can pray to Jesus too as atheist I know him
rhrough secular means. Only another way to relate
to the story.

[nooby]

I simply fail to know whom I really am. Now I know why.
I don't have the means to know. The BPD keep it hidden to me.

I don't think you should give up, yet. My thinking is that it doesn't actually "hide" who you are, it just makes it harder for you to find yourself

Thanks I don't want to give up now when I finally feel more at home
with my crzy body.
I can not go on flooding Murga with my confusing and
about me texts the forum is for everbody so my contribution
is too one sided.

But I had no alternatives at that time.
Now I have these two forums for BPD.
(Borderline. )

http://forums.psychcentral.com/borderli ... -disorder/

And maybe this one being more active?

http://www.psychforums.com/borderline-p ... 38719.html

I have decided to join both to give you guys here
some rest from Noody talk in Murga Puppy Linux Forum.
You can allways reach me through th PM system here at the forum.

Then I need to talk about the chemo therapy too so hopefully
I find a good forum for such gruesome reality knowing
that one may have only a year at most to live.

Maybe others in those Cancer treatment forums
has same situation that I have, knowing life will be short.
So Folks I am still here but will only give links to BPD
and Cancer cures to not take up out Linux space and time
with my stuff.

Much appreciated your kind patient with me derailing
threads and so on. .

I will still be active about why we love Puppy Linux.

(Book that maybe could help me to get to know my diagnose better

http://insidethebordreline.blogspot.se/ ... mmies.html
)

[starhawk]

nooby, post, and do not feel guilty. Those are orders

You are human, as are we all.

You have troubles, as do we all.

You have a right to share those troubles...

...as do we all

[nooby]

nooby, post, and do not feel guilty. Those are orders

You are human, as are we all.

You have troubles, as do we all.

You have a right to share those troubles...

...as do we all

"So say we all" from Consensus Saying from Battle Star Galactica
TV Series. 2004 version. Nope I am only teasing.

StarHawk, you are most generous but sometimes
I get carried away and I get into exploitation mood.

Thanks for your take on what is okay and not okay to do. but I know how it feels when somebody exploit
a common resource and abuse it for their own "good" causes.

I do feel that that is what I am doing ATM and should
calm myself down to a manageable level.But I will or
want to share links and maybe short comments but
try to avoid the very verbose confusing texts
that I write too often.

Much appreciated that you share your perspective.

Now it is local time 06. 54 AM something Friday
and I will get home around 11.30 AM but do a shopping spree
for "gadgets" visiting the Computer shops and other retailers.

I live some 65KiloMeters south so I don't visit to the inner City
very often so better that I take the chance now before they close
for the Jesus thing now when I can spend some hours for almost free.

The inner City Bus cost only 2 USD for some 45 minutes ride.
I am also longing for to buy the best Ice Cream around too.

[tubeguy]

nooby, post, and do not feel guilty. Those are orders

You are human, as are we all.

You have troubles, as do we all.

You have a right to share those troubles...

...as do we all

Agreed.

[nooby]

Thanks I take it under consideration again.

But trust me on this. A lot of those annoyed do agree with
each that my exploitation is a bad thing in their experience .
of our Puppy forum

I should not use "our " forum as if I owned it.

I share it with all of you and should accept
that it is a shared life and not something for me
to use as if I where the Boss.

Okay time to test if the two BPT forum accept me or not?

I get back and tell result within weeks

[Bruce B]

I simply fail to know whom I really am. Now I know why.
I don't have the means to know. The BPD keep it hidden to me.

I don't think you should give up, yet. My thinking is that it doesn't actually "hide" who you are, it just makes it harder for you to find yourself ;)

In my experience in intimate relationships with BPDs, one of the many challenges is maintaining a sense of self.

I describe a feeling like this: The feeling that I could lose myself and never find myself again.

Recently a chick wanted to come over to my house and actually bring the movie, "Fatal Attraction" for us to watch.

We watched another movie. Unlike Michael Douglas, I knew in advance what I would be dealing with. As a community service, I gave her the book, The Borderline Mother.

She read it within just a couple days. Reported to me that it was very helpful, because now she understands better why her (now adult) kids hate her so much.

My feeling was one of surprise that she was willing to even see the BPD in herself. In my mind this meant that she has either progressed with the disorder, which I think is unlikely or she doesn't have it as serious as others. I mean to say that most would never admit to having the symptoms or personality (disorder) associated with it.

Back to Stephanie, (name not changed to protect the innocent because there is no innocence), true to form she decided she was my woman even though I told her I was not romantically attracted to her.

On one occasion she told me that her boyfriend is very jealous of me.

I didn't think there was any reason for that. I told her to tell him not to worry because I have good intentions.

She said, "That's the problem. He's never had to compete with a well intended man."

Among other things she wrote me a text message telling me that I have to tell my significant other (her competition) about her and I.

Several days ago, I took a night bicycle ride. I discovered her near by. She was in a lot of pain because she sprained or broke her ankle. I asked her how she hurt herself. She said she was climbing my wall trying to see me through a window and she fell of the wall.

Should I mention that my GF is also BPD. In Fatal Attraction, Michael Douglas had a sane wife. In real life, (my life) there are no sane women. If Stephanie and Dahlia ever try to dispute over me, they would they could provide the raw ingredients for another Fatal Attraction type of movie. I wanting not to exaggerate.

If I posted everyday about life with a BPD / NPD woman, I think I could keep us all entertained.

About sense of self.

My BPD recently asked me who she was and who I was, in a metaphysical sense.

The answer seemed sort of apparent to me, "You are a butterfly. I am the rock you land on."

It made sense to her.

(about nooby)

I was surprised to see him posting about BPD. Surprised for a number of reasons. It also helps me to understand him better.

More later, maybe.

[nooby]

Thanks a lot Bruce. It shows how desperate some BDP
get to make reality live up to their expectations.

Fortunate for me is that I seldom go to such measures.

I sure can be rather destructive too with my Bulemia or Anorexia
risking my life through malnutrition. and destructive in that I can get
very angry on people that can hurt me badly due to me not a fighter
while they know how to and have practiced on many.

Bruce very interesting to read. Thanks for sharing your experience.

What surprise me about Nooby is that he at all could
take it to heart that he may live up to having enough traits
similar to BPD and accepting that as a likely truth about my self.

I trust it has to do with the 4 years of intense search
needed some closure. And when I saw that Documentary
then all the symptomes looked very likely to be true.

But it is also true that at first I did not want to have anything
to do with the diagnose but it explained my troubles in life
so well that it would be morally wrong to just dismiss it.

[nooby]

Hopefully WinXP will repair the fsilure to get connection for Linux

Report on chemo They need to change to stronger versions safdly will give me bad effects but mybe kill cancer faster than killing me I

[James C]

Glad to see you are still around.

[nooby]

Thanks for all friendly thought

[nooby]

Thanks guys but the embarrassing thing is
that ms windoes win xp can get out on internet
while I fail to get out using Puppy but when
I used winXP to Repair connection but
now that it is repaired it works but I don't
understand how to get Puppy working while microsoft just worked
so what one need are knowhow